Kissing Cousins
by whitem
Summary: Drakken and Motor Ed are teamed up once again. What happens when Kim and Ron... find them? One-shot collaboration with Ran Hakubi


I had started this story quite a while ago with a clear idea what I was going to do. Then, as suddenly as I had the idea, it went away. Then when I posted the "Where oh where has my plot bunny gone" thread, Ran Hakubi said he would like to take a look at what I had. What he added is awesome, and it fit with what I had perfectly. This story is the result of our collaboration. I hope y'all like it…

Disclaimer: Neither Ran or I claim any kind of ownership of any of the characters involved…

Kissing Cousins

_Beep Beep Bee Deep_

"Go Wade…" Kim said into the wrist Kimmunicator while Ron sat across from her stuffing a Chimerito into his mouth.

"It looks like Motor Ed has finally crawled out from whatever rock he's been hiding under. We just received a hit on the site saying that both him and Drakken have been seen in Upperton."

"Any idea what they're up to?" Kim said and took the last bite of her Taco Salad.

"Not sure really. It actually was an anonymous tip, and all they did was report the siting." Wade took a draw on his ever-present Slurpster, and shook the ice, his cup obviously empty. 

"Do we have an exact location?" Kim asked while Ron quietly picked up her and his trays to throw away the wrappers, and other trash.

"Not really. All this person says is that they were seen near 48th and Broadway."

Ron returned from disposing of their trash and sat next to Kim, looking at Wade's face on Kim's wrist. "So what's the scoop, Kim? We got a mish?"

"Looks like the cousins are at it again." Kim said, using her new nickname for when Drakken and his cousin Motor Ed were working together. "Let's head to my place, change, and then head to Upperton."

…x x x x…

"Kim?" Ron said with a bit of worry on his face. "You do know where we are, right?"

"Uh, Ron… We're in the most highly technological vehicle on the road that's equipped with a GPS that's accurate to 1 inch, and you're asking if I know where we are? Of course I know where we are."

"That's… not what I mean Kim. You do realize that we're on The Broadway Strip in Upperton?"

"Umm… yeah. So?" Kim said raising her eyebrow.

"Kim… this is where all the hottest night clubs are located. I mean… Look around!" He pointed to numerous places that they were passing by. "There's the Kitty Kat Klub, Club 49, and look over there! It's Bongo's!"

"So the question is…" Kim said in deep thought, "Why is Drakken and Motor Ed in this part of town?" 

"I don't know the why Kim… But I see the where." Kim followed Ron's eyes, and there was Drakken and Motor Ed stumbling out of one of the smaller bars that was sandwiched in between the larger, more corporate places, hanging onto each other's shoulders. It looked like the two could barely stand.

"Are they… drunk?" Kim said incredulously.

"It sure looks like." Ron cocked an ear and rolled down his window. "And it sounds like it too. Roll down your window Kim… You gotta hear this."

She hit the button, and as soon as her window cracked open, before it even made it all the way down, she heard two very… off-key voices… singing.

_"You've lost… that loooving feeeling… Whoa oooo… that loooving feeeeling… You've lost… that loooving feeeeeling now she's gone… gone… gone…"_

The two stumbled over to a light post, and used it for balance. _"Whoa ooo ohhh oooo ohhh do do… do do… do do do do do do…"_ Drakken had fallen down and was now on his knees singing with an almost far away look in his eyes, facing away from Ed. _"Baby, Baby… I get down on my knees for youuuu…."_

Motor Ed was now providing back-up_. "Baby, Baby… get down on my knees…"_

Drakken continued. _"If you would only… love me… like I used to do… We had a love… a love… a love you don't find every day…"_

"Let's go break up this little party." Kim said opening her door.

"Aww, c'mon Kim. They're actually not that bad." At that point Ed tried to hit one of the high notes, and ended up breaking the glass on the street light.

The off-key voices hit a new level of annoyance. _"Waaayyy…."_ Kim and Ron cringed.

"OK…" Ron said, "That's enough. Let's stop this… duet." 

…x x x x… 

"Hey Cuz, ya see who I see?" Ed asked as his blurred eyes watched Kim and Ron climb out of the Sloth.

"I can't see anything, except maybe this lil' roach here on the sidewalk. Hellooooo lil' roach. Soon I'm gonna be yer MASTER!" Drakken said before breaking into a fit of giggles.

"Okay Cuz, ya know what? Yer waisted. C'mon, gimmie your keys. Sssearously," Ed slurred out and started to fall forward. Reaching out, he barely caught a near-by light post to keep from falling on his face.

"Hey, yer jus' as waisted as I am. No way I'm…" Drakken paused to climb to his feet, a move he greatly regretted as soon as the world around him started spinning. "Giving you the keys to the hover car. Mother always told us ta nehever drink and…um…ya know…"

"Dude! I totally know what you're getting at. Sssearoulsy. I think," Ed said then looked up, seeing Kim and Ron standing in front of him. "Whoa, cuz. Red's here."

Drakken leaned forward to see what Ed was talking about. It took him a few seconds to look through his beer goggles, but he eventually able to make out Team Possible standing in front of him. "Kim Possible! And her buffoon sidekick!" Drakken shouted then draped his arm around Ed's shoulders. "Maybe she's here to stop me from taking over the world! Ooooh!"

Motor Ed and Drakken busted into laughter as if Drakken had told the world's funniest joke. A quick throat clearing from Kim got their attention back onto the two heroes, but they were struggling to keep from breaking out into laughter again.

"Okay, why do you two smell and sound like you just found the answers to all of life's problems at the bottom of a bottle?" Ron asked as he held his hand over his nose, trying not to breath in the booze breath from the cousins.

"'Cause my Cuz here jus' broke up with the Green Babe, bro. Sheriously," Ed answered.

"I…didn't know Drakken and Shego were dating, as gorchy as the idea actually seems," Kim said.

"Well, ya know, those two do seem awfully close at times. But you're right, KP. The idea of Drakken and Shego is just sick and wrong," Ron said.

Drakken and Ed looked at each other for a second before breaking into laughter again. "No no, not like that," Drakken said, "She quit on me. Said that Shenior could pay her better, just as long as she didn't try to teach Junior. Whatever the heck that means." Drakken then busted into song again. "_And now she's gone, gone, gone, whoa whoa oh oh!_'

"No!" Kim shouted. "No singing!"

"Okay, yeah, that make's a lot more sense, now that you explain it to us," Ron said. "Ya know, ya gotta feel sorry for the guy. His long time sidekick just ran out on him after all those years. No reason to climb into a bottle, but still."

Kim gave a grunt and then looked over to Motor Ed. "Okay, that explains Drakken, what about you?"

"Red, seriously. You can never, ehever let a bro, or cousin, or, ya know, drink a girl away on his own. It's like a code, or something." Then Motor Ed busted into chuckles and muttered something about how wasted he actually was.

Kim rolled her eyes then looked at Drakken and Motor Ed. She did sorta feel sorry for Drakken. Shego and Motor Ed were probably the closest things he had to friends. After about a second, she thought about what to do with them. She tapped a button on her wrist Kimmunicator and waited for Wade to answer.

"What's up Kim? Did you find Drakken and Motor Ed?" Wade asked when he appeared on the screen.

"Yes we did, and they are about three sheets to the wind," Kim said.

"Hey, that kinda rhymes!" Drakken piped up.

Kim rolled her eyes a second time and returned to Wade. "Any ideas if there is a place near by where we can detox these two?"

Wade tapped a few buttons on his keyboard and then looked back to Kim. "Well, there is a motel nearby with a double room open. Only costs 34 a night. Shall I book you a room for the two?"

"Please and Thank you," Kim said. The hotel room would give the cousins a place to dry out, and it would keep them away from anything and everything. Of course, she could also just take them to jail, but seeing as how they really weren't guilty of anything except trying to drink their troubles away, well, Drakken at least, it would be counter productive.

"Okay guys, into the car, we'll take you to a motel room where you can sleep off whatever concoction you drank." Kim said as she led them to their vehicle.

…x x x x…

Kim pulled the Sloth up to the entrance door of the motel and Ron got out to go get the key. While waiting on Ron, the young teen hero screwed her eyes shut and gripped the wheel hard, as she had to suffer through Drakken and Motor Ed singing "Come Sail Away" in their off-key, teleprompter free karaoke. 

A short while later, and Ron's wallet being 34 dollars lighter, Kim took the two booze hounds in her back seat to their room. Ron helped get the drunken duo out of the car while Kim opened up the door for them.

Ron helped Motor Ed to stumble along while Kim helped Drakken to walk, and they made it to the first floor room without any major incidents.

When the arrived in front of the door for their room, four things happened.

First, Drakken and Ed got in way to close to Kim's personal space to give her their thanks.

Second, before Kim knew what was happening, Ed's arm clumsily wrapped around her neck, and her eyes shot open wide as Ed, in his drunken state, and in an attempt to show his mis-placed gratitude, leaned forward and planted a healthy wet one right on her lips. "Thanksh Red…" He mumbled.

Third, While Kim was half bent over in utter shock, and her eyes going blood shot from the obnoxious smell of villain beer breath, Drakken proceeded to follow the actions of his gear head cousin.

Fourth, after Ron had opened the door, Drakken pulled away and stumbled in behind Motor Ed and the two cousins literally fell onto one of the beds. Both Ron and Rufus fell to the floor, laughing their heads off while Kim stood there looking like she was about to throw up.

… x x x x…

Ron leaned against the wall just outside Kim's open bathroom door, looking at some papers in his hand. "Okay KP… so when the judge asks you why you have a speeding ticket from Middleton, **and** one from Upperton, you're going to tell him that you had to get home and sterilize your mouth?"

"HACK-THOO! Oh, after I tell him the rest of what happened, I'm sure he'll drop them," Kim said as she walked out of the bathroom wiping her mouth with a large towel. "Besides, I'd much rather have **real** kisses from my bf."

"Boo-yah! I'm getting a five alarm KP kiss!" Ron shouted and wrapped his arms around Kim, pulling her in closer. Moving their heads forward, their lips touched lightly and pressed against one another.

A split second afterwards, Kim's eyes shot open, went blood shot again, and she broke away from Ron and dashed back into the bathroom. The sounds of vigorous brushing and running water soon followed.

"Aww, c'mon KP! You're not going to tell me that Bueno breath is as bad as beer breath?" Ron asked through the door, and heard a very annoyed growl over the running water.

The End…


End file.
